The Quiet Ones

Posted In: Career Resources, Health & Wellness · By: Seniors for Jobs.com · Date: 1 Jul 2008

By Michael Bourque

They can be the employees who come to work earlier than others, don’t attend office functions very often and leave later than the others do. They don’t interact any more than they have to and they generally avoid crowds. They are the temperamentally reserved or shy ones and their numbers are increasing.

Stanford University psychologist Philip Zimbardo states that when he began studying Adult shyness in 1977, 40 % of adults surveyed said it was a problem. Today it is about 50% and raising 1% per year. "Adult shyness is a complex issue that can have many sources, from low self esteem and fear of rejection to the temperament we born with," Zimbardo says. The fact that it is on the rise suggests that we are increasingly being isolated from the social contact that gives us the confidence and skills for meeting new people. Zimbardo and Edmonton psychologist Jim Bateman both agree that technology is de-socializing us. We spend too much time in front of a monitor, relating less interpersonally and sometimes less honestly.

So, for the temperamentally reserved person who suddenly finds his or herself out of work after being in a comfy job for the last decade or two, the job search can be very traumatic. Shy people do less well in job interviews and do far less networking in their quest for a job. This makes the job search stressful and difficult.

What can a person who is temperamentally reserved do? They can enroll in a self-esteem self help program or they can talk to a friend or family member about their shyness. It is a proven fact that the more you push your social envelope the easier it is to overcome shyness. Start with a small social circle and expand it as you gain confidence. "The anxieties that you feel in certain social situations are quite normal for most people," says Zimbardo. "Knowing this can certainly help". Force yourself to make conversation and you will find it almost always turns out to be a pleasant experience. Become a good listener. Make eye contact and focus on what the other person is saying and respond with words and body language. Most people are flattered when strangers want to know more about them. All this will help in that all important job interview. Practice in front of a mirror or with a friend. Just because you have a reserved temperament doesn’t mean that you can’t talk about your abilities and skills to others. Remember to listen first and conversation will follow. Don’t let the "Shyness" label get in your way of getting a job.